Bringing Mack Home

This has to have been one of the most difficult yet rewarding experiences to date.  I arrive at GLA on Friday morning, October, 11, his "Gotcha Day," and life is no longer as it was, for either of us.  He is handed to me and off we go.

He no longer spends his days wandering around the nursery with nannies and 50 or so kids.  That may sound like a good thing, but this was his normal, his reality, and what he was used to.  So as much comfort, care, etc. etc. I can offer him, his world has just been flipped upside-down.  Mine has too of course.

We go to the Baptist Mission.  A place I have longed to return to since I was a 4th grader!  The memories flood back!  Ordering food, eating food, shopping at the store and on the street are not the same with a 3 year old (who is barely the size of a 2 year old) in your arms who will not let me set him down.  He must be scared to death!  He knows he should love me.  I keep telling him I love him....but can he understand?  I mean we don't speak the same language!

Not everyone gets the attachment deal.  Everyone wants to "OOOH" and "AAAAH" at this little guy.  Everyone wants to touch him and say his name and be his buddy.  Put yourself in his shoes!  I am to be the one and ONLY to care for him for quite some time.  When he reaches his arms to someone else, I am to ask them to send him to me.  In an orphanage a child will go to anyone who will pick them up.  This is life in an institution.  Now he must learn that I am his person.  His mommy.  He does not need to get his needs met by others.  I feel bad at times, like I am depriving others of the chance to be his buddy....he needs for me to set firm boundaries for him so that he can learn to attach and have healthy relationships, first with me and then with others.  This will take a LONG time.

The first night I put him to sleep he stirs and fidgets a lot.  He "checks" on me.  He reaches for me.  He wants to know that I am still there.  I realize this is an instinct God put inside of us.  He has not needed to learn that this should be so, it should just be so!  It just has not been his reality for the past 2 1/2 years.  He has been in a place that is amazing when compared to others, but there is no way the  nannies can be there to pat backs, wipe tears and rock back to sleep the large number of children in their charge every night.

So I think that first night, he does this, he looks for me, he needs me, but he didn't do this yesterday. Contrary to most of his other Haitian buddies who have since come home, he falls asleep in the dark and quiet.  He also loves to hug his build-a-bear and be snuggled up with his super soft blanket.  Just yesterday he slept in a crib with no "lovies."

The weekend is filled with opportunities for us to build trust with each other.  What does he think of all of this one-on-one time?  Does he just know this is how it is supposed to be so he accepts it?  The smiles he gives me at each bath time, lotion time, jammie time, snack time (and the list goes on) are priceless.  He is not lucky!  He deserves this and he is getting this!

In January I knew him to be a tense, on the go little boy.  He was very quiet all weekend.  I never got a snuggle in January.  Now I get snuggles whenever he or I want.  When he wakes up from a nap or in the morning we snuggle for about 30 minutes.  Is this instinctual?  He didn't do this the day before I came....

God is bonding our hearts.  God is helping him to trust and to feel secure.  God is also healing his body as I have prayed for SO long!  We'll see what the International Adoption Doctor says on the 30th, but besides a cough, I truly believe his body is free from parasites.  This would be miraculous!

The trip home was not an easy one, but I suppose traveling with any 3 year old would be a bit challenging.  I can't even begin to imagine what was going through his mind with every new sight, smell and feeling.  I prayed over his little body constantly.  Airports are so overwhelming.  We made it through immigration in Florida in about 15 minutes....another miracle!  He made it home in the outfit we started the day in even though I had

3 outfits packed for him! We had a couple of meltdowns and the second flight was difficult, but we made it home to a beautiful welcoming party.  The emotions going through me as I went down that escalator at the MPLS/St. Paul Airport was something I cannot explain.  After waiting and waiting, here I was with him in Minnesota.  We made it!

Lord, I thank you for bringing us to this point!  You are sooooo GOOD!  You deserve all of the GLORY and PRAISE!

Watch him come home to Minnesota!!!!

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/mackenley-is-coming-home

The above it the link to the live streaming!!!  You can also watch it after the fact.  Our flight lands in MPLS at 8:30 pm central time on Monday, October 14.  So tune in shortly after that.....we'll deplane and then change the diaper and the clothes if needed and come on down the escalator and celebrate with all of those there or watching live that have prayed this little guy home!!!!  YAY!  The time is here!!!

He's coming home! Now what???

Attachment, bonding, cocooning, eye-contact, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, indiscriminate affection, neurological pathways…All of these things and many more have been filling my thoughts and conversations for these last couple of years as I have been preparing for Mr. M to come home. Countless hours talking to other adoptive parents who have already been where I am going, online classes emphasizing the concepts and stacks of books explaining what to expect and how to cope.
As I anxiously await to bring him home, I am about to enter the stage where I put all of my preparation into action.  This is when the real work starts. I understand that my family and friends have not been reading piles of adoption books, so I want to give you a glimpse into the next steps and my plan for his first weeks and months in my family.

When I bring him home, his whole world will be changing. He has learned to love and trust the nannies who have been caring for him.  For the last 2 1/2 years he has been in the same room every day. My home will smell different, sound different, the food will taste different and there will be so much to see, including two cats! The differences will be overwhelming for him. He needs to settle into a new normal, to learn that this place is his safe place, his home and that I am his mom.

The first part of his healing will be a process that people in the adoption world call cocooning. We are going to huddle in as our small family unit and begin to form attachments to each other. This means spending lots of time at home. For the first 6 weeks that we are home, he will go to the doctor and we may visit a park and maybe grandma and grandpa’s, but visitors and other outings will be very, very limited. I will do the best I can to keep his environment calm, stable and comforting.

I will be his ONLY caregiver. I will hold him, feed him, change him, bathe him and comfort him. As these small acts are repeated, he will learn to trust me and will learn what a family is. We are starting from the very beginning. Many of my actions will be similar to how you would care for a newborn. I will be doing a lot of baby-wearing. Keeping him close to me, so he can learn my smell, my voice and hear my heartbeat which will bring him comfort and help form attachment. It is vital that he learns to create a bond with me so that he will be able to form bonds with other members of my family in the future. Bonding deeply with your parents at a young age creates neural pathways in your brain that allow you to develop healthy relationships in other areas of your life (friends, spouses and children). 

When he cries, I will go to him IMMEDIATELY. He is learning who I am and who will care for him. When he needs attention, it is very important for it to be given to him immediately to create trust. I will hold him in the beginning and let him drink from his sippy cup which you may not see most parents do with a 3 year old but we will use this special time to encourage eye contact, nurturing and bonding.  Anything that would take me away from him and is not necessary will not happen during this time.

I realize that some of this may sound strange to you. Over-protective and secluding. Please, please know that it is my dream to see my son enjoying the company of my family and friends. I am making these choices at the advice of experts and those who have gone before me. My priority has to be the total health of my son. It will be a happy, but difficult time for us. I’m sure I will get a bit stir crazy, but I believe that this investment of time into my son will make a difference in his future. 

What can you do? Support me. Encourage me through calls and emails. Pray for us. Bring meals. Wait to visit with my amazing kiddo until after we have had time to attach as a family. When you do meet him, it is important to set physical boundaries. If adults limit what is usually considered normal, physical contact, it will help us to continue to bond with even when we are in public. For a while, I ask that you do not ask to hold him and refrain from excessive hugging and kissing. Because of his past situations, children from orphanages are vulnerable to attach too easily to anyone. Attaching to anyone other than me, will affect his relationship with me. Attachment is a process and it will be an ongoing on for many years.

This is my last Sunday with no child at home!  We have 5 more “sleeps” each until we are together! Please keep praying for us during this important and special time. Adoption is redemption, restoration, healing. It is work. It is parenting on the front lines of children who come from hard places. Thank you all for you support and love!

I borrowed and adapted this entry from this blog:  http://www.pureandlasting.com/ with permission!  :-)

TRAVEL!!!!

I keep saying, "I can't believe it!"  But of course I can!  The wait has been SOOOO long!  The journey has been amazingly challenging and rewarding!  His VISA appointment was today!  My dad and I will travel to Haiti next Thursday!  We will get there Friday!!!!  My little boy will be home on October 14!!!!!  Thank you Jesus!!!!


I have MUCH to do!  I have been doing so much for so many months in preparation and now I don't feel like I can get everything done that is left!  I will do it though!!!  Pray for me!!!  I have 4 days left with my 5th graders until Thanksgiving time.


Pray for strength, peace, joy, and some rest for me as I do the final things here....pray for Mr. M.  Pray for him in his last few nights in an orphanage.  Eight more nights.


Pray that God works in miraculous ways to bond the two of us!!!!

Thank you!

FINAL VISA APPOINTMENT!!!!

Next Thursday, October 3, my little boy with travel to Port-au-Prince to the US Embassy for his VISA interview!  Please pray for him!  Please pray for me!  I will now be working like a mad-woman to get plans ready for my students....parent/teacher conferences and any and all last minute things that need to happen before we go!  I do not have travel dates but will likely go get him the week after his appointment!  The time is here!  Thank you Jesus!  I have waited so long and I am beyond excited!!!!!!

I600 APPROVAL

Dear Ms. Kraft,

USCIS in Port au Prince, Haiti is pleased to inform you that the I-600 petition, which you filed at this office on January 23, 2013 on behalf of Mackenley Etienne, seeking to qualify him as your immediate relative has been approved. Your case has been transferred to the Adoption Unit of the Consular Section for the visa process. This completes all action by USCIS on the referenced petition. The Consular Section will soon contact you to follow-up on your case.

ONLY ONE MORE STEP!!!!!  VISA INTERVIEW AND THEN YOU'RE COMING TO MN LITTLE MAN!!!!!

One year ago today.....

2nd Birthday

On September 7, 2012 Mr. M came into my life!!!!!  I feel so blessed!  This process has taken SO long and I have learned, changed and grown SO much!  At this point today, knowing he'll be coming home soon, it suddenly doesn't feel like it has taken as long!  Reality is soon to set in!  My life will change FOREVER!!!!

1st birthday top left and this is his 3rd birthday

Here is my little guy the past 3 Aprils at 8 months, 1 yr 8 months and 2 yrs 8 months.

    

I am going to continue on with pictures from each year that I have, which would be 2011, 2012 and 2013.  Some years I am missing, but when I pick him up I will get EVERY SINGLE PICTURE! :-)

 August 2012 & August 2013

 February 2012 & February 2013

May 2011 & May 2013

 Christmas 2011 & Christmas 2012

 September 2011 & September 2012 

LORD MAY I PLEASE BE WITH HIM SEPTEMBER 2013!!!

 October 2011 & October 2012

UP AT THE TOP OF MY BLOG ON THE LEFT HAND SIDE IT SAYS "GIVE TO MY ADOPTION!"  THIS DIRECTS YOU TO A PAYPAL ACCOUNT WHERE YOUR GIFT WOULD BE TAX DEDUCTIBLE.  MY DAD, MACK & I WILL NEED CLOSE TO $3000 TO TRAVEL HOME AND STAY A FEW DAYS IN HAITI. IF YOU CAN HELP (EVERY DOLLAR HELPS!) PLEASE CLICK THE LINK!  FRIENDS HAVE ALREADY HELPED WITH $750!!!!  THANK YOU!!!!