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Thursday, August 13, 2015
I've been home from Haiti for 10 days. I was gone from home for 15 days. Over and over again people tell me how lucky my kids are. It's not the truth at all. The circumstances each of them have found themselves in life are not lucky....they're not even good. God does not wish for His precious little children to be motherless, fatherless, homeless, starving, abandoned, institutionalized......
I am the lucky one. The blessed one. God has given me not one, but two incredibly beautiful, strong, resilient, lovers of life kiddos. Leaving the one for 15 days tore at my heart. He made it. He survived. He even had fun, lots of fun!
While leaving one, I journeyed to meet the other. Bright....the name she calls herself means "BRIGHT." Little Miss C is BRIGHT! She is full of life! Her smile is amazing! The way she looks into my eyes, studies my face and snuggles in for cuddles is something my heart aches for tonight. I leave one to meet the other and after 15 days, I leave her. How do these little hearts, little minds, little bodies endure this!? It's so unfair, unjust. WHY? I get asked EVERY DAY. "WHY DOES IT TAKE SO LONG?"
Often within the past 10 days I have forced myself to NOT think about the wait. To NOT think about the effect on a little one's life to be outside of family care. She is being cared for. She is so loved. I pray every day that somehow she can remember our 15 days, that she believes I will be back for her, that God prepares her the best He can for her to join a family, to have a mama and a brother.
Once she has our family name, I will share her face here....until then I will not....
Our 15 days....
I think any parent or for that matter nanny, child care provider etc, knows that filling a day with activities and things for a little one to do can be a challenge! I had from about 8:30-5 with her each day minus two hours for a bit of school or rest. I longed to be with her EVERY minute yet WHAT do we do for so many hours a day??? I felt ill prepared in the project/craft/time consuming activity department due to what I brought with me but we managed and some days the best moments for me were just spent watching/looking at her. I have LOTS of photos of her where she is not looking. I am just watching her. Watching her think, walk, twirl. She is curious and cautious and so observant.
We spent our days playing hide and seek, asking "Where is the music" and searching for the little green speaker I brought. I carried her more than she walked and I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED that I could be there at such an age where carrying her and snuggling her all day was just the thing to do! A friend outfitted me with some darling dresses for her and she loved to come into our little cabin each day and look them over, deciding what she was going to change into next. She painted my nails (boy she has amazing fine motor skills!) and I painted hers. Every little, normal, every day thing was so special because it was with her. We enjoyed lunch together every day. She loved doing things to help me like going to fill up my water or brushing my hair :-)
I was able to spend my birthday with her. She got to bring me a cake and sing and celebrate. What a treat (you see over and over again how it's me who's blessed, right??? To get to be a Mama to this child and the one back home.....I often think over why God chose me. Why was I the chosen one? He must love me a lot!) We did water balloons. We went on walks. We played pretend down at a little play house.
I was thrilled the day I got to do her hair. I think back to a Fall day way back when where I prayed that God give me the ability to braid and I braided! Way back then I could not foresee that I would have a daughter! She seemed pleased that I did her hair and I was overjoyed to get to do it!
By the second week we got to venture out and it was nice to just be able to walk, talk, and look at nature. We made a fire pit area out secret hide out and would go there most days to dance, sing and play with baby dolls. I enjoyed observing her with others when we got the chance. She is clearly well-liked by most if not all of the kids and adults. She's a small little one with a BIG personality. She knows what she wants and does not want! There is SO much more I need to know though!
This is their first look at each other outside of a picture. We got to do this a couple of times. Both of them were really warming up to the idea of having a brother or sister.
At the end of the second week we had our IBESR interview. This happened on my last full day with her. After the interview we got to have ice cream and look around my childhood home in Haiti.
So there you have it Fifteen days. We laughed, hugged, snuggled, tickled, and imagined. We colored, blew bubbles, listened to music and read books. I love her. I deeply, deeply love her. She is a gift, a precious gift from God. I feel I stopped abruptly here....I have written too much and yet not nearly enough.....Most days I don't like to think about how long this will take. It's easier to just NOT think about it :-( Pray! Pray that God would make a way for this process to speed up. Pray for Miss C. Pray for Mr. M. Pray for me. Thank you.