National Adoption Month

As you are hopefully aware, I have had the adoption of two children going.  I still cannot not share any more information than even about #2 but I do need to raise more $$$! I am extremely grateful to those of you who donated, came to the garage sale, bought coffee and bracelets and MORE!

It is National Adoption Month.  We ALL need to care for the people of our world.  We are not all going to adopt.  We are not all called to!  There are many ways to care for the fatherless (and motherless!) in our world!

There are people who go and serve at orphanages.  There are people who sponsor children while in the care of an orphanage.  There is an organization that has devoted itself to helping with adoption airfare.  Delta airlines (which didn't work for me and Haiti) offers 50% off of the child's flight to their forever home!

I have been called to adopt.  I have been a part of sponsoring children all my life.  First through my parents and then on my own as an adult.  I am asking you to please consider giving to the cause of bringing another orphan to a home/family.  Ornaments should be arriving from Haiti today or tomorrow!  That is one way to give!  Also, to the left you will see a paypal button.  That takes you directly to my tax deductible account for adoption #2!  It was a long process to apply for this account but I was granted one!  If every one of my Facebook friends gave $20 all of #2's expenses would be covered!

Giving can also be done through the mail by sending a check to:

Lifesong For Orphans
Kraft Adoption #3660
PO Box 40
202 N. Ford Street
Gridley, IL 61744

Thank you for your consideration!

James 1:27

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Week Three

It's something how looking through pictures from the week makes me feel a lot better about the week!  It was a very CHALLENGING week for me and for him.  There were lots of triggers going off.  I pulled WAY back, out of visiting mode.  I admit I began to let others see him WAY TOO SOON!  He does fine around other people if he is not the center of attention.  When we are around others and he is just left alone then I truly feel further attachment between the two of us.  When he becomes the center of attention something changes....especially afterwards.  I saw A LOT of regression this week, but again, after looking over these pictures I can recognize a lot of growth and even can see that we have taken giant steps forward even from this past week's steps back.

A big trauma of the week was his International Adoption Clinic appointment. He was truly a super star.  He handled the whole thing in an amazing way, BUT we were there for 5 hours!  (they say to expect 2 hours).  He was not the same kid kid for about the next 36 hours.  His security level with me dropped.  Doctors, of course, need to be hands on...the problem is he saw so many doctors/nurses this day that it was way too much for him.  It is an amazing clinic, FYI, at the University of Minnesota, it was just very hard on him.  

The rest of this blog is going to be pictures highlighting our week.  He has seen some people.  The visits are very intentional, even if spur of the moment.  His visits with his little friend from GLA have been HUGE highlights for us both!  Enjoy!

Two of his buddies that were at GLA with him and both live nearby!

Having fun with the camera - KISSES!

He was a good sport for me in posing by these pumpkins :-)

Lunch with one of his friends from Haiti and the trying on of costumes.  Going trick or treating was out of the question due to how things were going that day, but he had fun being a pumpkin with his owl friend at the house.

Mr. Cool Guy in the leaves from our beautiful tree! 

Needed to make his glasses just like Mommy's.

Hanging out on his trampoline!

We had a little photo shoot with my mom at the end of the week on a very beautiful afternoon!

LOVE THIS LITTLE BOY!

Catch me if you can!

Sometime I just can't believe he is here!

Cute little guy :-)

Enjoying looking at the sky while on a stroller ride :-)

He's not gonna stop throwing this ball at the 10 ft rim til he makes it!  LOL!

Really serious about this shot!

And lots of giggles today too!

OH that face!  Priceless!

So, it's the end of week three at home and soon the start of week 4.  We begin a two week round of some really icky medicine tomorrow to take care of intestinal parasites.  He is loving his gummies needed for all of the things he needs more of like calcium and vitamin D in particular.  Overall he seems healthy and he is very happy when he is happy.  Keep praying for us please!  I have three weeks left with him before I go back to school!  Thanks!

Two weeks since I "Gotcha!"

I stepped away from social life for a bit....a lot of reasons for that....but first and foremost to give this amazing gift I have been given EVERY MINUTE OF TIME HE DESERVES!  I feel like I fail miserably at being his mommy EVERY DAY!  It's like when I went to college to become a teacher and then when I became a teacher I was like, "NOTHING they taught me in college prepared me for how to actually do this!!!!"  Same thing here!  All of the books, training, support from other adoptive parents, etc are wonderful but NONE of it actually dictates what life in my home with my child will be like.  It is helpful, YES! It is important to be knowledgeable and trained, YES, but the learning began 2 weeks and one day ago when this little munchkin was placed into my arms forever.

Me stepping away from everyone, really, has to do with being a bit tired of explaining over and over again why he shouldn't be touched, held, hugged, fed, ETC. ETC by anyone except for me.  I feel really mean and like a broken record having to continue to repeat it.  I know it doesn't make sense.  Why can't you hold this amazingly adorable bundle of energy!  I mean he seems to want your attention, right?!?!  It doesn't feel natural to not dote on him and give him all kinds of love.  I get it.  Adoption is not natural though.  It was not in God's plan.  It is part of His redemptive plan.  It is necessary.  There are children without mommies and daddies.  Children need them.  So, God created adoption.  It is a wonderful, painful, confusing, overwhelming, beautiful plan He created.  But it is not natural.

Our days have been everything but easy, but like the above they have been wonderful, painful, confusing, overwhelming and beautiful.  From minute to minute things change.  One minute we have smiles and hugs, the next tears and anger.  I know you may be thinking this is typical of any 3 year old and that may be true, but this is so much more complex.  He has been through so much in his 3 years of life.  Two weeks ago he did not have the 24/7 attention of ONE person.  He loves it and he also resists it.  He tests.  His mind is filled with so many conflicting emotions.  Although he NEEDS a family and he has one, he also desperately misses and wholeheartedly loved each and every one of the children and adults at GLA who have been his life and "family" for the past 2 1/2 years.  He also spent 9 months within his mother and 6 months with his mother and father.  Does he remember that?  No.  But it is a apart of who he is forever.  I will never know what those 15 months were like and what long term effects they will have on him.

I know now that he needs ME and only me.  We have a short time together.  6 weeks.  Less than one month left before I will entrust him to the care of a school where he will learn and thrive and grow with other children and teachers for 8 hours a day.  Even thinking of this breaks my heart.  God knew when He called me to this that I was single, that I would have 6 weeks to be with him and then he would need care out of the home.  I trust HIM that he will be ok.  I have chosen a place for him where I know he will truly thrive.   I do not look forward to the day that I will leave him there though!!!!  I was careful to choose a place where I could tell they were not the touchy/feely, hold kids on laps and snuggle kind of center.  He will not need that from them even 6 weeks from now.  At that point he can begin to get some extra snuggles from his grandma and grandpa and some other family members.  His teacher at school will be there to help him grow in other ways.

Our 2nd week home has been harder than the first.  He is not sleeping or eating as well.  This mommy is on her knees for her little boy.  Tonight as I rocked him to sleep this song came to me, "Hold me Jesus" by Rich Mullins (a special friend that went to be with Jesus too soon).  I feel so unworthy of being his mom at times.  I know with all my heart God called me to this and He will equip me.  I just don't feel worthy!  I need HIM all day every day!  I know this is something HE wrote in HIS book for me to do!  I know he intends for a second child to join my little guy too.  HE IS IN CONTROL!  He is writing this story!  It is an amazing one.  I am humbled to be a part of it.  It brings me to tears that HE chose me to hold this little boy, to tuck him into bed, and to hear him call me mommy.  I am GRATEFUL!  I am truly NOT WORRYING about tomorrow!  Tomorrow has enough worries of its own!  I put and have been putting the adoption of Mack's sibling into HIS hands since before I knew I would be Mack's mommy!  HE IS IN CONTROL!  He is the author of this story!  (link below is to HOLD ME JESUS, by Rich Mullins)
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I have not shared pictures on FB the last few days since I have not been on so I will share them here.  Please continue to pray for us.  We are doing ok.  We are SO blessed!  I thank Jesus EVERY minute of the day....in the enjoyable and more challenging moments!  All praise to you LORD!

Likes the big boy swings at the park by our house.

Ready for next week!

Loves our walks and doesn't seem to mind the weather :-)

First pumpkin carving.

Finished!

Silly Grandma!

Getting a special gift made of his hand print!

One of his buddies from GLA that lives super close :-)

GOOD NIGHT!  

One Week Home!

Wow.  One week.  Seems like it has gone quickly, but also not.  There have been 100s of firsts this week.  Even though I have been preparing for over two years, you can't really prepare or know what it's gonna be like til you have that 3 year old with you 24/7!

I could write a book about the first week.  When we got home from the airport I just had to give him a bath right away!  I didn't know how he would react.  He had never been in warm water before.  He LOVED it!  He laid all the way down in the water and loves putting his face right into the bubbles giving his eyelashes and chin extra "hair."  The language barrier makes things tricky so as far as how to keep water in the tub, when he gets to splashing, I pull the plug and then he stops :-)

I was nervous about how he would react to the cats.  Now I am more nervous for the cats!  He LOVES the cats!  I did not learn much Creole at all before bringing home and have learned phrases as I need to. So my main phrases to him in Creole are "be nice," "gentle," and "don't throw that!" LOL.  On top of the kitchen cupboards are all of the things he has thrown.  I have to decide how he will earn them back :-)   He doesn't seem to care too much that they're up there. 

The car ride home from the airport was fine.  The next time I put him in the car seat was NOT fine.  We ended up sitting in the back seat together for awhile....then into the car seat and me into the front....everything is a process.  We have gone on a little ride each day and after that first day he was been totally fine with the car.

We also go on a walk each day.  The first day he was not liking the coat, hat or mittens, but now he puts them on with no problem.  Today it snowed while on our walk!

Every single thing has become a routine.  He falls asleep SO quickly and stays asleep basically all night.  For the first 5 days I had a twin bed right next to his toddler bed and each time he moved or whimpered in the night I rubbed his back.  Five days later may be too soon, but I did it and it has been great....while he was in the room, I changed the room around.  Now my twin bed is on one wall and his toddler bed is on the other.  Sometime in the middle of the night he comes and climbs in with me.  I hold him for 20 minutes or so and then put him back in his bed.  Then like clockwork at about 6:15 he is standing over me ready to be up and I can usually get him to lay down with me for 30 minutes or so before we actually get up!

I love rocking him.  I almost just want to hold him the whole nap or night but I also want to help him to feel secure with sleeping in his bed, knowing I will be right there if he needs me.  I have done so much reading and preparing.  Everyone has their own ways and opinions on these topics, but so far it is working really well for us.

Breakfast is tricky.  He liked Cracklin' Oatbran for about 2 days.  He has frowned on oatmeal, eggs, sausage, Cheerios and toast.  He really liked yogurt for about 2 days too but that has ended.  He will eat a little bit but the first day he ate 3 tubes!  Maybe he overdosed :-P

It has been a really cold and drizzly time since coming home so enjoying the outdoors has not been on the list like I hoped it would be.  We read books, color, chase the cats and hear mommy says "Gentle" over and over again, swing in the basement, dump any and everything out and the sing "Clean up, Clean up" (he seemed to already know this song!)  He loves to snuggle.  He usually very willingly gives me hugs and kisses and then sometimes withholds them, making it clear he is mad at me.  I wish I could know his thoughts.  I pray over him constantly. 

My mom stayed with us the first 6 nights and it was fun for him to get to know her a bit and I greatly appreciated all of the help with laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc...etc!  My dad came by today and mowed for us.  I had hoped Mackenley would mow along side him with his little mower but he was scared of the real mower.  

Every day I sit and look at this little wonder that God has entrusted to me.  Sometimes I cannot believe he is actually here!  Other times I second guess EVERYTHING!  Mostly I just am cherishing this time I have to fully pour into him and get to know him!  I love hearing him call me Mommy.  I guess as I finish I can document the English used to date by him:  Mommy, baby, all done, I love you, clean up, bye, hello....I think this is all....he understands far more than he is speaking. I can't wait to watch him grow with his language.  This last picture was of a priceless moment....I gave him a piece of ice cream cake...I am assuming it was his first taste of ice cream although who knows.....with the first lick he looked at me like, "Why have you kept this from me!?!?"  :-)

Thank you for continuing to pray for us!  I will update as I can!

Bringing Mack Home

This has to have been one of the most difficult yet rewarding experiences to date.  I arrive at GLA on Friday morning, October, 11, his "Gotcha Day," and life is no longer as it was, for either of us.  He is handed to me and off we go.

He no longer spends his days wandering around the nursery with nannies and 50 or so kids.  That may sound like a good thing, but this was his normal, his reality, and what he was used to.  So as much comfort, care, etc. etc. I can offer him, his world has just been flipped upside-down.  Mine has too of course.

We go to the Baptist Mission.  A place I have longed to return to since I was a 4th grader!  The memories flood back!  Ordering food, eating food, shopping at the store and on the street are not the same with a 3 year old (who is barely the size of a 2 year old) in your arms who will not let me set him down.  He must be scared to death!  He knows he should love me.  I keep telling him I love him....but can he understand?  I mean we don't speak the same language!

Not everyone gets the attachment deal.  Everyone wants to "OOOH" and "AAAAH" at this little guy.  Everyone wants to touch him and say his name and be his buddy.  Put yourself in his shoes!  I am to be the one and ONLY to care for him for quite some time.  When he reaches his arms to someone else, I am to ask them to send him to me.  In an orphanage a child will go to anyone who will pick them up.  This is life in an institution.  Now he must learn that I am his person.  His mommy.  He does not need to get his needs met by others.  I feel bad at times, like I am depriving others of the chance to be his buddy....he needs for me to set firm boundaries for him so that he can learn to attach and have healthy relationships, first with me and then with others.  This will take a LONG time.

The first night I put him to sleep he stirs and fidgets a lot.  He "checks" on me.  He reaches for me.  He wants to know that I am still there.  I realize this is an instinct God put inside of us.  He has not needed to learn that this should be so, it should just be so!  It just has not been his reality for the past 2 1/2 years.  He has been in a place that is amazing when compared to others, but there is no way the  nannies can be there to pat backs, wipe tears and rock back to sleep the large number of children in their charge every night.

So I think that first night, he does this, he looks for me, he needs me, but he didn't do this yesterday. Contrary to most of his other Haitian buddies who have since come home, he falls asleep in the dark and quiet.  He also loves to hug his build-a-bear and be snuggled up with his super soft blanket.  Just yesterday he slept in a crib with no "lovies."

The weekend is filled with opportunities for us to build trust with each other.  What does he think of all of this one-on-one time?  Does he just know this is how it is supposed to be so he accepts it?  The smiles he gives me at each bath time, lotion time, jammie time, snack time (and the list goes on) are priceless.  He is not lucky!  He deserves this and he is getting this!

In January I knew him to be a tense, on the go little boy.  He was very quiet all weekend.  I never got a snuggle in January.  Now I get snuggles whenever he or I want.  When he wakes up from a nap or in the morning we snuggle for about 30 minutes.  Is this instinctual?  He didn't do this the day before I came....

God is bonding our hearts.  God is helping him to trust and to feel secure.  God is also healing his body as I have prayed for SO long!  We'll see what the International Adoption Doctor says on the 30th, but besides a cough, I truly believe his body is free from parasites.  This would be miraculous!

The trip home was not an easy one, but I suppose traveling with any 3 year old would be a bit challenging.  I can't even begin to imagine what was going through his mind with every new sight, smell and feeling.  I prayed over his little body constantly.  Airports are so overwhelming.  We made it through immigration in Florida in about 15 minutes....another miracle!  He made it home in the outfit we started the day in even though I had

3 outfits packed for him! We had a couple of meltdowns and the second flight was difficult, but we made it home to a beautiful welcoming party.  The emotions going through me as I went down that escalator at the MPLS/St. Paul Airport was something I cannot explain.  After waiting and waiting, here I was with him in Minnesota.  We made it!

Lord, I thank you for bringing us to this point!  You are sooooo GOOD!  You deserve all of the GLORY and PRAISE!